Goodbye, Grandma

We said goodbye to the last of my grandparents today. She died last year, and I've been overly quiet about it because it's been hard for me to sort through everything along with the other stresses of my life when it happened. At the time, we had a lovely memorial, and her remaining friends and neighbors came, as well as the lady who ran the home she lived in the last few years of her life, and family from all over, including my grandfather's cousin.

Today's group was much smaller. Grandma's four children, two of three spouses plus a girlfriend, both granddaughters, both great-grandkids, three nieces plus a beau, one grand-niece, and all of that grand-nice's children. The weather was gorgeous. We took the ferry (pre-arranged), and at mid-point in the trip, they slowed, and my uncle threw her ashes into the water, and then several roses were thrown after. The ferry blew its horn three times, and that was it. They gave us a certificate to memorialize it. It was nice. I'm glad I got to go. Afterwards, most of us had lunch at a nearby restaurant, and sat and talked about her and about family... I think she would have been pleased.

I miss her, but it's hard to come to terms with the fact that all my grandparents are gone now, so it's been hard to put it all into words. Of that generation, I only have three great-aunts left. and one is in very failing health, and I think another is not doing too much better. I just remember them always being there, and now they're just gone. I miss them all, each in their own way. I wish I'd talked to them more, asked more questions, been braver in asking the questions I was scared to ask when they were alive. I wish I could hug them all once more.

I guess if I could talk to them one last time, it would just be to say thank you. For being there, and being so strong. For the lives they gave us all, and the sacrifices they made for us over the years. And that I hope, in whatever afterlife there is, that they are together with their spouses and happy. And that I love them very much.

RIP Merle Tydfil Bordewick 1915 -2012