Goodbye Mom

Mom & me at Hood Canal ca 1970

My mom passed away Thursday. She was 71. She'd been struggling with failing health for a long time, and had been steadily declining since the 90s, so we actually had a long time to prepare for her passing. But that doesn't mean I was ready. Even fifty years wasn't long enough. I miss her.

My mom, Ruth Anne Bordewick, was born in 1949 at the height of the baby boom. She was the third of four children, with an older brother and sister, and a younger brother born almost seven years after she was. They lived in Canada until 1960, when a recession hit, and her father was forced to find new, better-paying work. He applied to a few places, intending on heading down the coast and into California, but he always said that when he got to his motel room while he was here in the Seattle area, he turned on the TV, and Stan Boreson was on. Grandpa, being half Norwegian, felt it was a sign. So the family moved to Bellevue, where my mom attended middle and high school.

After school, she began to attend the University of Washington, where she met a young man in class who soon became her husband. In March of 1969, they married, and I was born soon after. We had a good life. Both of them attended the U to finish their degrees, and we moved a few times. First from Magnolia to West Seattle, then to a little house in the UW area, where we lived until 1976, moving again, this time to a house near the Woodland Park Zoo. 

We did have one bad event, though. When we were still living in West Seattle, when I was about three or four, my mother and I were hit by a kid in a truck who failed to stop at a stop sign. Her neck was broken. And yet, she survived. It took a long time for her to recover, though. Even in my early teen years, I remember her sometimes pulling out her neck brace on bad days. I don't have a ton of memories of those times, but the fact that I have memories of the accident and her time in the hospital tells you just how much an affect that had on our life.

Still, mom recovered, and she and dad finished their degrees. When we moved to the Woodland Park house, we became a family of four. My sister was born in May of 1976. She and I have many fond memories of that house. Mom and dad were constantly remodeling and upgrading it. They even discovered that stained glass windows on either side of the fireplace had been boarded over rather than removed when someone had remodeled the house before them. My sister and I still consider that house "home." 

Mom & I with my new baby sister, 1976

By the time we moved to our next house, mom was a bookkeeper for a travel agency, and had been for many years. When we were still quite young, she and dad decided to take us on a trip to England and Germany using some of the perks from her job. We got to meet some of our more distant cousins, and see the city our father was born in: Frankfurt, Germany. My memories of the time are foggy, but I'll always be grateful that mom's job made a trip like that possible for us. Nor was it the only trip we took. Shortly after I graduated High School, we got to take a trip to Australia, where we drove down the east coast, starting in Sydney and ending in Melbourne. It was a glorious trip. Of course, she and dad went on lots of trips together all over the place. Some within the US boarders, some to Canada, and at least one other trip to Europe that I recall. Because of her and dad, my sister and I love travelling to this day.

But that wasn't the only thing she gave us. We grew up in a group called the SCA, which stands for the Society of Creative Anachronism. It is a group of people who pretend to be in the middle ages, and dress and act appropriate to that time. I'm not even sure how we got involved, but my best friend and her family were also involved, so we spent a lot of time with them when I was young. Mom and dad were very active in the community, and in 1976, dad won what is called a Coronet Tournament, where the winner becomes Prince for a short time, and his lady becomes Princess. So while my sister was a baby, my parents were the Prince and Princess of An Tir. When they stepped down, they were made Baron and Baroness of our area, remaining so for much of my childhood and teen years. So much of my childhood was spent going down to California or up to Canada for tournaments and gatherings. It was a lot of fun. 

My Parents as Prince and Princess of An Tir (sitting far left in the red and brown), 1976

We were even at one of these events in Washington state on May 18, 1980. The event was held at Snoqualmie Falls Forest Theatre in Fall City. When the Seneschal announced to the gathering that Mount Saint Helens had finally erupted, everyone thought it was a joke because people had been making that joke for so long, and because the location was located in such a way that we could not see the plume from the mountain when it erupted. We made it home fine, but I know many people heading south and east from that event had to find alternate routes or places to stay until they could.

During their time as Baron and Baroness, mom became a founding member of the Culinary Guild, which is still active today. Every gathering, she and her friends would discuss recipes, trying to determine what the ancient terms meant, and came up with new recipes to try out on each other. And then they would help host Baronial and other SCA Banquets with the feasts they planned using these dishes. I have fond memories of the very raucous gatherings, which continued on until recent years, though far more sedately as they grew older, just old friends gathering together at a restaurant to catch up on each other's lives.

My sister and I were also treated to some of the best theatre there is growing up. Seattle has an amazing arts community, so we were raised on, among other things, the Nutcracker ballet, Gilbert and Sullivan, and of course, Shakespeare. I'm not quite sure how old I was the first time my parents attended the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, but I do remember my sister was too young to be without a sitter. We stayed at the hotel while they attended their first performance. A few years later, I recall we went back back along with a friend and her mother who played the recorder in a group with dad who were also part of the SCA. I remember that trip very fondly, and watched several plays that year, including Romeo and Juliet with a young local actor by the name of Kyle MacLachlan as Romeo, and fell madly in love with him. Imagine my delight when he became a minor rising star just a couple of years later. First Dune, then Blue Velvet, and then Twin Peaks. 

The family at Martinos, the long-standing Italian Restaurant right next to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, 2017

The last time I went down was in 2017. For my birthday that year, my parents treated me to a trip there with them and my aunt and her husband. He has since passed away, so now I have two reasons to be so very grateful I got to go that year. My sister and niebling joined us as well. It was a fabulous trip. We tried to go down again the following year, but mom had an accident, and after that, she was no longer able to travel far.

We received a great love of reading from both of our parents, and frequent trips down to Powells in Portland were common. but mom especially passed on a love of fantastical things. Books, Movies, TV, we were often talking about the latest shows and movies available, and I remember going to many movies with her and my sister when we were young: Star Wars, Star Trek, Dune, among so many others.

In the early 90s, mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was a scary diagnosis. She was only in her 40s, and we knew it could get quite bad. But she managed, only finally retiring from her job in 2011, though by that time, she was using a walker to move around easily. Soon after, she was using a wheelchair more and more, until finally she was using an electric chair full time. I won't go into big details, but she was mostly unable to use her right hand and her right leg almost completely by the time she got sick at the beginning of this year. A few years before, her doctor had stated the MS had run itself out, but the damage was done. Then, at the beginning of this year, she was diagnosed with Cancer. After the diagnosis, mom was content to just let what happened happen.

She struggled with things a lot, but was always so happy to see us all. She was always adapting to whatever troubles came her way, and always did everything she could to make things smooth for my sister and I. I'm so glad we got to have her for so long, and that both of my sister's kids know her so well. I hope they will remember her fondly.

I love you, mom.

Family photo in 2014